Detox.

So I I am pretty content with working 40 hour weeks, partying at night, eating deliciously bad food, and chain smoking all with good company.
Content is not where I want to be in my life.
I just got back from an insane music festival  (the highlight of my summer).
The man I was screwing moved.
I am wearing a size 12 pant.
A Large shirt- mainly because my breasts are ridiculously HUGE.

Basically, there is no more time for all this play.
Starting tomorrow I am doing The Master Cleanse. For Ten days and then we will see where I am at.
I feel like my body is full of toxins.

It is good to be back.

GET SKINNY<3

Friday.

Good Day.
Hungry most of it :)

Worked.
Gym.
Ate 700 cal. However I will be Partying tonight...whatever I won't go nuts.

Much Love,
Crickett

Thursday.

Today I woke up at 9 and went to the gym. Only 20 min of Cardio and arm&leg weights because I didn't go yesterday.
Walked a LOT.
Volunteered.

Ate:
Bowl of mini wheats w/soymilk- 220 cal.
Veggies and hummus- 230 cal.
Biscuit- 250 cal.
Salad w/ chicken- 500 cal.
7:44pm and total cal: 1200cal.
This is the intake for normal natural weight loss. Not ProAna.

Although, I can still feel the hunger. And I like it. My stomach is hungry:)

<3

Wednesday.

I woke up 10:30 am! yay... Thus far I have eaten breakfast- 300 cal. Drank Tea and 32 oz. of Water. I drink a lot of water. It speeds up the metabolism, lends me energy, keeps my complexion clear,  hydrates- good breath :)

It is the third day of my period and I just inserted NuvaRing. It felt secure but I wonder what it will feel like during sex. If my boyfriend will be able to feel it. The good thing is you can take it out for up to 3 hours! So some couples choose to take this route during intercourse. Whatever, we'll give it a go.

I feel good today. Happy. Also, my first night of sleep in 4 months without nightmares! Finally.

Today I will read The Dharma Bums, illustrate my book, do laundry, and perhaps sew!
There are so many projects I would like to complete.

Until then...

it is then. And I have failed. Efffff.
I have eaten 2000 cal. worth of food (Family dinner- Cheesy Noodles & Ice Cream with /Brownie)
I didn't want it.
I wasn't bloated.
I just feel guilty.
Ashamed, that I let food take control over me.
Fuck that.
Tomorrow this will not happen.

Tuesday.

I slept until 1:00pm! Straight solid sleep. What is wrong with me?!

Not tomorrow.

I'm about to workout- it's 7:20 pm.

I ate so far:

Brownie- 200 cal.

Carrots and Hummus- 100 cal.

Frosted Mini Wheats- 180 cal. 

2% Milk (all we had :()- 100 cal. 

Total: 580 cal.

It is 10:50 pm. And I have eaten another 600 calories.

I was hungry after exercising. Fuck. I'm drinking tea now. mmmmm

Total : 1080 cal.

okay. Not bad. Considering these are the first two days and I have cut my calorie intake in half. This week I will strive for 1100 cal or less.

Skinny of the day:

Amy Winehouse, the girl is badass.

xoxxx Crickett

Monday.

Well Aunt Flo is finally here. That may explain the cravings, bloating, tender nipples, and mood swings. When it comes my time of the month I am a walking talking raging hormone machine. I'm switching over to NuvaRing this month- hopefully it proves helpful in not only the no baby department but in the PMS department as well.
The next three days I'm volunteering, so it gets me out and about and away from the kitchen!

Slept until 12:30 pm (Not okay with me. But I was exhausted.)
Ate thus far:
1/2 Banana- 70 cal.
Sips of Kombucha trilogy- 30 cal.
Dark Double Chocolate Zone Bar- 190 cal.
2/3 cup of Chicken Cherry Pasta Salad- 180 cal.
Water, water, water.
Cigarette ( I can't stop and don't want to stop).

Intake total by 3:46 pm: 470 cal.

Doing laundry now and going to exercise at 5!
So far so good.

Skinny Pic of the day:

Lily Cole is adorable. 

8:03 pm and I just got done with dinner. Eating with the family- didn't overindulge! 

Dinner total: 600 cal. 

Intake total: 1070 cal.

Output: Walking, gym- 40 min cardio, arm weights, abs. 

Good first day.

Tomorrow will be even better:)

Skinny Love.

There is something so beautiful about this community- the ProAna one. Outside of this keyboard I am misunderstood. We are misunderstood. My mother continuously tells me that "Fat is not a feeling", but oh she is so wrong. It is. Fat is a feeling, just as skinny is a feeling. I hunger for skinny. We hunger for skinny. To be skinny is to be something alluring. Something with a story. We, the ProAna women, are all striving for the same thing physically, to be skinny. But we are all striving for different reasons. For different destinations, results. How long can one adhere to this lifestyle? I am nineteen. I first felt fat when I was four. I remember looking into the mirror with my friend Samantha. She was so beautiful. I was so awkward. So fat. Swimming- I hated it as a child. I wore swimming trunks over my suit. Over my fat ass ten year old thighs. Fifteen years of feeling fat. Over a decade. This has to end. It will end. I refuse to live like this any longer. I am skinny. skinny.